2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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