just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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