i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
