Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
