I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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