Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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