We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
