Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
