i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
and she was petting her beer can
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
