apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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