the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
