Yo dont text me then not text me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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