Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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