My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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