she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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