I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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