Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize