I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
