you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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