Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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