I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
