you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize