I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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