R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
