people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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