youre lurking in front of me
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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