i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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