p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
