I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize