Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
