When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
