Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize