the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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