He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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