I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
