So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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