you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize