this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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