You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
