and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
