Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
