im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
