so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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