thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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