yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
