she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
