I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
