i just made my gag reflex go away.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
