How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
