Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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