Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
