Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
