When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
