oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
