Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
