And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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