i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
