yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize