I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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