I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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