I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
