I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
