her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
so let's talk penis.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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