Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
pray to the hookup gods
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
