no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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