my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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