My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
