bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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