At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just found puke in my bra..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
